Maybe I'm Totally Stereotypical

I’ve decided that if I do nothing useful during study hall I should at least write. Achieving prowess rather than pissing around endlessly on the deluded void of the Internet, starving for life and experiences that I am currently forbidden from experiencing. Sometimes I think about my life and wonder what the fuck happened- how the hell did I end up here and when did everything start seeming like an obligation chaining me to the floor of the ocean- oblivion. I’ve realized too that at some subtle point I stepped off the boat of achievement and motivation and became a slacker. It’s not perceptible because of my innate ability to seem like I'm doing work when the true reality is in fact the opposite. I want to do great things but at the same time it all seems like too much effort. I'm 18 and totally bored with life- classic teen angst manifested in an overly competent creature with potential for greatness, but, alas, and alarming lack of follow-through.

Talking seems to require an incredible amount of effort on my part, like an unnecessary baring of the soul that no one else seems to find as exquisitely painful. I think that everything would be so much easier if I could just stop talking, really talking, to people. Things in the vein of, “pass the salt”, simple everyday trifles that leave me feeling safe and secure, rather than unstable and like some one knows a hell of a lot more about me than they should. That’s how it was with Todd, and why I dislike talking to him so much. He consistently hits the nail on the head more often than anyone else and cuts through my bullshit, despite being consistently off about what was actually going on, and still managing to do a damn good job of convincing me that what he’s talking about actually was the problem.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone outside of angsty 13 year-olds has thoughts like these- that there simply must be more to life than the scrappy picture we all know so well, self-absorbed and hideously incomplete, lacking any consistent theme save an undying egoism and narcissistic tendencies. Religion is indeed the opiate of the masses, promising eternity and a paternal figure to forever please, the guarantee that your seed will live on ephemerally after you’ve killed the heathens in a deluded incitement of rapture.